Welcoming Denial: Insights from Five Decades of Creative Experience

Encountering rejection, especially when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. An editor is turning you down, giving a clear “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I started submitting articles five decades ago, just after finishing university. Over the years, I have had multiple books declined, along with book ideas and many essays. Over the past two decades, specializing in commentary, the refusals have only increased. Regularly, I face a rejection frequently—amounting to more than 100 each year. Cumulatively, rejections over my career run into thousands. By now, I could claim a advanced degree in handling no’s.

So, is this a complaining outburst? Far from it. Because, at last, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with rejection.

By What Means Have I Managed It?

A bit of background: At this point, almost each individual and their distant cousin has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never tracked my success rate—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: lately, an editor nixed 20 articles consecutively before accepting one. In 2016, at least 50 publishing houses vetoed my book idea before a single one accepted it. A few years later, 25 literary agents declined a project. One editor requested that I send articles less frequently.

The Steps of Setback

In my 20s, all rejections were painful. I took them personally. It was not just my work being rejected, but who I am.

As soon as a submission was turned down, I would begin the phases of denial:

• Initially, surprise. What went wrong? How could these people be overlook my skill?
• Second, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the mistake? This must be an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who appointed you to judge on my efforts? It’s nonsense and your publication is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, irritation at them, then frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, bargaining (often accompanied by delusion). How can I convince you to see me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I’m not talented. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

This continued over many years.

Great Company

Of course, I was in good fellowship. Stories of authors whose work was initially turned down are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was first rejected. If they could overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his high school basketball team. Many US presidents over the last 60 years had earlier failed in elections. The filmmaker claims that his movie pitch and desire to appear were declined 1,500 times. For him, denial as an alarm to wake me up and keep moving, not backing down,” he stated.

The Final Phase

As time passed, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I reached the seventh stage of rejection. Acceptance. Today, I more clearly see the various causes why a publisher says no. For starters, an reviewer may have already featured a like work, or have something in progress, or just be thinking about a similar topic for someone else.

Or, less promisingly, my submission is not appealing. Or maybe the editor feels I lack the credentials or reputation to succeed. Or isn’t in the market for the content I am submitting. Or was too distracted and scanned my piece too fast to appreciate its abundant merits.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be turned down, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Many rationales for rejection are always not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are under your control. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and impact, or the message I am trying to express is poorly presented. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe a part about my grammar, notably semicolons, was offensive.

The point is that, regardless of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve published multiple works—the initial one when I was 51, the next, a personal story, at 65—and over 1,000 articles. These works have featured in publications major and minor, in local, national and global sources. My debut commentary was published in my twenties—and I have now written to various outlets for half a century.

However, no major hits, no signings in bookshops, no spots on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no big awards, no Nobel, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily handle no at my age, because my, admittedly modest achievements have eased the jolts of my many rejections. I can choose to be philosophical about it all at this point.

Valuable Setbacks

Rejection can be educational, but only if you heed what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. What lessons have I acquired?

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